im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
