I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
Randomize
