i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
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