is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
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