She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Randomize
