K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
Regardless thnx for trying to help out, I realize we are dealing w/ very stupid girls here
Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize