nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
Randomize
