I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize