I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Randomize
