coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
Randomize
