1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
Randomize
