Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
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