goodnight i made you a song goodbye
hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
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