Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
