I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
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