remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
Randomize
