so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
a girl in my class is on a twilight fan site and running her fingers on the screen as edwards body comes up.
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
