dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
Randomize
