i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Randomize
