Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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