I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Randomize