It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
But theres a keg here and me gusta
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
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