There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
