I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
Randomize
