I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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