Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
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