Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
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