But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
