Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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