Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
Randomize
