its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
