Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
Randomize