My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
Ikea night.
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Insert tab A into swedish slot B
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Randomize
