Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
