My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
Randomize
