I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
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