I'm so fucking centered right now
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
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