It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
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