You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
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