Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
