i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
Randomize
