I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
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