Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
