Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
It doesn't have to be a walk of shame...just pretend he took you to breakfast.
No one shows this much boob at breakfast
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize
