Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
