We're like a lot better than the average bears
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
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