She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
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