When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize