I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
