Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
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