this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
Randomize
