Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
Randomize
