I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
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