He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
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