I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
