Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
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