she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
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