Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
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