well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
Randomize
