Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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