Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
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