the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
Randomize
