Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
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