Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
Randomize
