Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
Randomize
