I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
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