It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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