she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
Randomize
