She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
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