how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
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