She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
Randomize