Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
I have feelings that need drinking.
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
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