She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
