STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize