look no pants
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
She has the best kind of daddy issues
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
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