This is not my ceiling
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Randomize
