You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
