She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
Randomize
