Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
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