Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
